Online dating for the first time over 50

What online dating actually is

Online dating is a way of meeting people through a website, where everyone has a profile with photos and a few lines about themselves. You look through profiles, send a message to anyone who interests you, and, if it goes well, arrange to meet. It's the modern equivalent of being introduced by a friend, except you can do the first part from your armchair.

If you were married for a long time, or simply haven't dated for years, it may all be new. You won't be the only beginner here.

Before you start: an email and a password

You need an email address you check, and a password that's hard to guess.

• Email. Use one you look at regularly. Some people set up a separate email just for dating, which keeps things tidy.
• Password. The National Cyber Security Centre recommends combining three random words to make a password that's long enough and strong enough, such as three unrelated things you can picture. Don't reuse the password from your email or bank.
• Write it down somewhere safe at home if that helps you. Just not on a sticky note on the screen.

The eight steps, in plain English

1. Sign up. Go to the members' area and enter your email address, a password and your date of birth. You must be 18 or over. Joining is free.
2. Add a photo. A clear, recent photo of your face, on your own, smiling. Every photo is reviewed before it goes live, so it may take a little while to appear.
3. Write a few lines. What a good week looks like, what you enjoy, what you'd like to find. More on this below.
4. Fill in the basics. Things like the age range and distance you're interested in, whether you smoke, and whether you have children.
5. Browse. Look through profiles at your own pace. Browsing is free, and other members can show interest in you.
6. Message. When you'd like to have a conversation, reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership. The prices page explains the plans. Memberships renew until you turn renewal off in My profile › Membership and billing.
7. Video call. Once you've chatted for a while and want to meet, suggest a short video call. More below.
8. Meet. A short coffee or a walk somewhere busy, in daylight. Our gentle first-date ideas have easy suggestions.

You can stop at any step for as long as you like. You can browse for weeks before saying hello, and nobody will know.

Writing your profile

Write as you'd talk to a friendly stranger at a wedding: warm, honest and specific. A few short lines are better than a long essay.

An example you could adapt: "Retired teacher, widowed three years, two grown-up sons and a very spoilt spaniel. I walk by the river most mornings, sing in a choir on Tuesdays and make a decent lemon drizzle. I'd love to find someone to share Sunday lunches and the odd weekend by the sea."

Things that help:

• Specifics. "The coast path at weekends" beats "I like walking".
• What you're looking for. Friendship, companionship, a relationship. Being clear saves everyone time.
• A light touch about the past. "Divorced", "widowed" or "single again after a long marriage" is enough.

Things to leave out: your surname, your address, your workplace, the name of your village, and photos that show your house number or car registration. Our guide to writing a dating profile over 50 has more examples and a photo checklist.

Messages: reading, replying and moving slowly

When someone writes to you, read their profile again before you reply. Ask a question about something they've mentioned. Keep early messages friendly and light.

Some people will write long, warm messages very quickly and call you "darling" by day three. Be cautious. Real interest usually builds at a normal human pace.

Keep conversations on the site for now. If someone asks to move to WhatsApp, text or email straight away, say you'd rather chat here for a bit. That's one of the commonest early signs of a romance scam, and a genuine person won't mind.

Your first video call

A video call is simply a phone call where you can see each other. It's the best way to check that someone is who they say they are, and to see whether you get on, before you travel anywhere.

• Use an app you already know, such as the one you use to call family.
• Keep it short: ten or fifteen minutes is enough for a first call.
• If someone always has a reason not to turn their camera on, treat that as a warning sign.

Sharing a phone number or video account means sharing a contact, so do it only once you've chatted for a while and feel comfortable. You can always block the number later if needed. Our guide to your first video call with a date covers setting up, what to talk about and the warning signs.

The ID-checked badge

Members can check their ID with a photo ID and a selfie and get an ID-checked badge, so you can see who has. It's optional, so many genuine members won't have one, and it shows only that a face matched an ID. It doesn't tell you anything about someone's intentions. Our page on the ID-checked badge explains how it works.

Spotting a scam before it costs you

The one rule that matters most: never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you've met online, however long you've been talking and however good the reason.

Other signs to watch for:

• they want to leave the site quickly
• they can't or won't video call
• they live or work abroad and can't get home
• a sudden crisis that needs money: a fee, a fine, a medical bill, a stuck inheritance.

Fake emails pretending to be from dating sites are common too. Don't click links asking you to "unlock a message"; go to the members' area yourself. In the UK you can forward suspicious emails to report@phishing.gov.uk and scam texts to 7726. In Ireland, FraudSMART has advice on spotting scams, and An Garda Síochána asks people to report fraud to their local Garda station.

Our guide to romance scams goes through the stories in detail.

If you get stuck

If you can't log in, our log-in help page explains password resets and who to contact. If it's your first date in years once you've met someone, read your first date in decades. And if you'd like to understand the whole site before you start, how it works explains it in one page.