In short
Tell your adult children yourself, early and simply, before they hear it from someone else. You don't need their permission, but you do want their trust. Expect worry about scams, money or your late partner's memory, and listen before you answer. Introduce a new partner only when it's serious, and somewhere relaxed and short.
| When to tell them | Early, and before they hear it elsewhere |
|---|---|
| Their permission | Not needed; their trust is worth earning |
| Common worries | Scams, money and inheritance, a late parent's memory |
| Introductions | Only once it's serious; short and relaxed |
Why it can feel harder than telling anyone else
Telling grown-up children you're dating can be more nerve-racking than the first date itself. They knew you as one half of a couple for most of their lives. After a divorce, they may still be raw. After a death, they're grieving the same person you are.
It helps to remember what they're really worried about. It's rarely "how dare you". It's more often one of these:
- Loyalty. "Are you replacing Dad?" or "What would Mum think?"
- Your safety. They've read about romance scams and they don't want you to be next.
- Money and the family home. Fair or not, inheritance crosses many minds.
- Change. A new person could mean fewer Sunday lunches, different Christmases, less of you.
- Embarrassment. Some adults simply find it odd to think of a parent dating.
You don't need their permission. But naming these worries, and answering them before they're asked, makes the conversation much easier.
When to tell them
Earlier is usually better. A simple heads-up before you start, or once you've been on a date or two, is far easier than explaining months later why you kept it quiet. If they find out from a cousin, a neighbour or a photo online, the hurt is about the secret more than the dating.
Good moments are calm ones: a phone call when you both have time, a walk, a quiet cup of tea. Avoid big family gatherings, anniversaries and anything to do with the divorce or the funeral.
If you have more than one child, try to tell them close together, so nobody feels they were last to know.
What to say
Keep it short, warm and matter-of-fact. You're sharing news, not asking for a vote.
Some example openings you could adapt:
- After a divorce: "I wanted you to hear it from me. I've started meeting people again. Nothing serious yet, and I'm taking it slowly."
- After a death: "I've been lonely, and I've decided to try meeting someone for company. It doesn't change anything about how I feel about your dad. I'd like you to know rather than find out."
- When you've met someone: "I've been seeing someone called Pat for a couple of months. It's going well. I'd like you to meet at some point, when you're ready."
Then stop and listen. Let them react however they react, and don't fill the silence with justifications.
Answering the worries they don't say out loud
If you sense one of the common worries, answer it calmly, even if they haven't raised it.
| They might be thinking | You could say |
|---|---|
| "You'll get scammed." | "I never send money to anyone I've met online, and I always video call before meeting. I'll tell you when I'm meeting someone new." |
| "Someone's after the house." | "I'll take advice before anyone moves in or I change anything about the house or my will." |
| "You're forgetting Mum." | "I'll never forget her. This is about company now, not replacing anyone." |
| "We'll see less of you." | "Our Sunday lunches aren't going anywhere." |
The money point is worth taking seriously. In England and Wales, getting married cancels any will you made before, and in Ireland a will is revoked by marriage unless it was made with that marriage in mind. If you plan to marry, or to live with someone, take advice first. Our guide to money, homes and living together explains why.
Use them as your safety net
One of the nicest ways to bring grown-up children on side is to ask for their help with safety. Tell one of them where and when you're meeting someone, and agree that you'll message when you're home. It reassures them, it's genuinely sensible, and it makes them part of it rather than outside it.
You could also show them how the site works, including what's checked: every photo is reviewed, members can add an optional ID-checked badge, and what people write about themselves isn't checked. Our guide to how romance scams work is a good one to share.
If your children live far away
Many grown-up children live in another town or another country. Distance changes the conversation a little.
- Tell them on a call, not by text, so they can hear your voice and ask questions.
- Keep them updated, lightly, so news of a partner doesn't arrive out of nowhere at Christmas.
- Offer a video call introduction once things are serious, before a first visit in person.
- Ask one nearby friend to be your safety contact for dates, so your children don't worry they can't help from a distance.
Introducing a new partner
Wait until it's serious. Your children don't need to meet everyone you have coffee with, and early introductions put pressure on everybody.
When you're ready:
- Brief both sides. Tell your partner a little about each child, and tell your children a little about your partner: their name, their family, something they'll have in common.
- Keep it short and on neutral ground. A café, a walk, a pub lunch. Not Christmas Day, not the family home on the first visit.
- Don't over-manage it. You can't make them like each other. Aim for polite and pleasant.
- Afterwards, ask each separately how it went, and listen.
If there are grandchildren, there's more to think about. Our guide to dating as a grandparent covers that.
If it goes badly
Sometimes the first reaction is anger, tears or a flat "I don't want to hear about it". That's usually not the last word.
- Don't argue it out on the spot. Say you understand they need time, and leave it there.
- Keep your relationship with them separate. See them on your own, keep traditions going, and don't make them choose.
- Don't hide things to keep the peace. That tends to make it worse when it comes out.
- Get help if it's stuck. In the UK, Relate offers relationship and family counselling. In Ireland, Relationships Ireland offers counselling, including support for step-families and older couples.
Remember that adult children's feelings often change once they see you happier and see that the new person is kind to you. It can take months or years. Patience usually wins.
A note on your own pace
None of this means you should wait for everyone to be comfortable before you start. Your life is yours to live, and you can be a good parent and a person who dates. If you've been bereaved, our guide to dating after losing a partner may help; if you're recently divorced, try dating after divorce over 50.
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Questions people ask
Do I have to tell my children I'm dating?
No, you're an adult and it's your life. But most people find it goes better if their children hear it from them, early and calmly, rather than from a neighbour or a social media post. Telling them also means someone knows when you're meeting a stranger, which is a sensible safety step in itself.
My daughter says it's too soon after her dad died. What do I say?
Start by agreeing that she's grieving too and that her feelings make sense. Then explain, gently, that wanting company doesn't mean you loved her dad any less and that you're not replacing him. Don't argue about dates on a calendar. Give her time, and keep her in the loop so nothing comes as a shock.
My son is worried someone is after my money. Is he right to be?
His worry is reasonable, even if it isn't true of the person you've met. Romance scams are common and some new partners do have their eye on a house or savings. Reassure him with facts: you never send money to anyone online, and you'll take advice before moving in, marrying or changing your will. Then thank him for caring.
When should I introduce a new partner to my children?
When you're both sure it's going somewhere and you'd like them to be part of your life. Keep the first meeting short and low-key: a coffee, a walk, a pub lunch, rather than a big family occasion. Brief both sides beforehand, and don't expect instant warmth. Relationships between a new partner and grown-up children often take a while.
What if my children never accept it?
Some take years, and a few never fully do. Keep your relationship with them separate and steady: see them on your own, keep traditions going, and don't make them choose. Family counselling can help if things get stuck. In the UK, Relate offers relationship and family counselling; in Ireland, Relationships Ireland offers counselling, including for older couples and step-families.
Keep reading
Sources
- Relate
- Relationships Ireland
- Making a will: update your will, GOV.UK
- Making a will, Citizens Information
Checked 8 November 2026. Spotted something out of date? Tell us.