Writing a dating profile over 50 that sounds like you

What a profile is for

A dating profile has one job: to make the right person want to say hello. It isn't a CV and it isn't an autobiography. Think of it as the first two minutes of a conversation at a friend's party, where you say who you are, what you enjoy and what you'd like, and leave room for the other person to ask.

If you haven't written anything like this before, that's normal. Most people over 50 starting again feel a bit exposed the first time. Write a rough version, leave it a day, and come back to it. Nobody sees it until you're ready, and making a profile on Fish for Silver Singles is free, so there's no cost to taking your time.

Your photos: the part people look at first

Photos do more work than words, so start there. A clear, recent photo of your face makes people far more likely to read the rest.

A few practical tips:

• Ask someone to take them. A friend with a phone, a few minutes before a walk, in good natural light, gets better results than a selfie at arm's length.
• Look at the camera. It feels odd, but it's what makes a photo feel warm.
• Keep them current. If you've changed your hair, grown a beard or gone grey, show it. The aim is for someone to recognise you at the café door.
• Check the background. House numbers, car registrations, street signs and your workplace can all give away more than you mean to.

Every photo on Fish for Silver Singles is reviewed before it goes live, so a new photo may take a little while to appear.

What to write: three short paragraphs

You don't need to be witty. You need to be specific. A simple shape that works for most people:

1. Who you are now. Retired, still working, or somewhere in between; where your weeks go; one or two things you love.
2. A detail someone could ask about. The coast path you walk every Saturday, the lemon drizzle you're proud of, the language you're learning before a trip.
3. What you're hoping for. Companionship, a relationship, someone to share Sunday lunch and the odd weekend away. Being clear saves everyone time.

Here are two examples to show the shape. They are examples, not real members.

Recently retired from forty years of teaching, so I'm making up for lost weekday mornings. I swim at the lido most days, read too many crime novels and have strong views on scones. Looking for someone kind and curious to share walks, lunches and the occasional trip to the coast.

Divorced a few years ago and enjoying my own company, but I'd like some good company too. Still working three days a week as a surveyor. Weekends are for the garden, the grandchildren on Sundays and a pint after a long walk. Happy to start with a coffee and see.

Notice what they do. Each has one or two things you could ask about straight away, says plainly what the person is after, and sounds like someone talking rather than a list of adjectives.

Mentioning divorce, bereavement or a long marriage

Say it, briefly, and move on. Most people reading your profile are starting again too, and a few plain words tell them where you are.

• "Widowed four years ago, and ready to enjoy some company again."
• "Divorced after a long marriage. I've found my feet and I'd like to share them."
• "Single for a long time, mostly by choice, now open to something new."

What to leave for later: the story of how it ended, anything bitter about an ex, and details of illness or money. Those are conversations for when you know each other, and our guides to dating after divorce over 50 and dating after losing a partner have more on when and how to talk about them.

Lines that rarely work

Some phrases appear on so many profiles that they slide off the reader. Try swapping them for something only you could write.

Avoid lists of what you don't want. "No time-wasters" reads as cross, even when you meant it kindly.

The basics, and being honest about them

Profiles also ask for the basics: things like the age range and distance you're interested in, whether you have children, whether you smoke or drink, and the languages you speak. Fill them in honestly. Being honest about your age, your height and your situation means nobody is disappointed at the first meeting, including you.

Set your age range a little wider than your first instinct. Many people find they get on with someone a few years outside the range they'd have picked.

What to keep back

A profile is public to other members, so keep the details that could identify or locate you out of it. Get Safe Online suggests choosing a username that doesn't reveal who you are, and keeping your email address, home address and phone number private until you've built some trust. An Garda Síochána advises never sharing your address, passport or driving licence with someone you've only met online.

Leave out:

• your surname, and your full date of birth
• your street, village or the name of your workplace
• your phone number, email address and social media accounts
• money matters, such as a recent inheritance, a house sale or a pension lump sum, which scammers look out for.

Use a strong password for the members' area too. The National Cyber Security Centre recommends combining three random words, and not reusing the password from your email or bank.

Protecting yourself while you wait for replies

Writing a warm profile can attract the wrong kind of attention as well as the right kind. Report Fraud warns that romance fraudsters often use photos taken from elsewhere online, and that you should never send money to someone you've met online, however sad or urgent their story. Our guide to spotting a fake profile shows how to check a photo, and how romance scams work goes through the stories they tell.

The ID-checked badge can help too. Members can check their ID with a photo ID and a selfie and get a badge on their profile, so others can see they have. It's optional, and our page on the ID-checked badge explains what it shows and what it doesn't.

After you've posted it

Look at your profile as a stranger would, on a phone as well as a computer. Read it out loud: if a line sounds like a job advert, rewrite it the way you'd say it.

Then give it a couple of weeks. Browsing is free, so you can look around at your own pace and see how other people describe themselves. When you're ready to talk, reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership, and our prices page explains the options. If you're entirely new to this, online dating for the first time goes step by step from signing up to your first video call.